19|08|2022

Inevitable things happened when I less expect. Today is hard maybe because I’m overflowing with emotion. I do not wish for this. I do not wish to witness it myself and undoubtedly it breaks my heart. My emotion is unstable these days but I’m not having a hard time for a week. And I should expect this but I’m too comfortable and being comfortable make me forget the upsetting feeling. I shouldn’t write this longer than before but I’m too stuck and suddenly feel like I’m in an unlopes pool and there’s no end to this.

After being busy and forgetting to take care of myself lately also being too calm, I should at least do something to release this. There’s nothing I can do except write to release this uneasy feeling. I want to at least say sorry because I couldn’t do anything. I’m sorry for being too late. I know it’s not my fault but I still feel guilty. I want to finish this but my emotion didn’t let me. I’m weeping as well. I should forget this but I couldn’t help myself at all. I’m scared.

I hope the wind will become calmer in the future. And I wish it will be longer than before. I don’t know what to say. I hope I will meet you in the hereafter even though we just met. I don’t want to question this. I don’t want to question all those purposes and I know I will upset myself even more if I think about this any longer. So I will stop and end this here not to dwell on this any longer.

Escaping is always hard for me because I don’t know what is the right things to do. And even though things had already been decided I always wondered if I’m doing the right thing. You know the world isn’t all black and white, thing isn’t that easy to justify it like that.